So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
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New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle