Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.