I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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