Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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