I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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