My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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