Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
