Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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