she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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