When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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