she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
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If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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