Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
