The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Houston, we have a blender
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
