My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
