Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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