I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
