i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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