i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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