Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
