I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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