im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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