Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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