i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
nutella sex= disaster
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
