I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
