then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
