Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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