Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
