I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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