some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
