It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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