I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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