never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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