I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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