dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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