yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
