I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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