Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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