did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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