I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
