Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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