the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
