Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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