i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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