are you still at the devil's house?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize