my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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