They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My liver just had a heart attack.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
