so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
