carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
