I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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