if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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