what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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