i permit you to call me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
