There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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