Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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