hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Randomize