so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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