and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
