Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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