I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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