i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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