dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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