Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
